


Saudade

by RKaye



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: AU, Angst, F/F, F/M, Feelings, Human Gems (Steven Universe), Office Party, Passionate head massages, Slow Burn, Smoking, Swearing, Unrequited Love, cause i write like i speak, lapidot - Freeform, pearlmethyst - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-02
Updated: 2018-06-22
Packaged: 2018-09-27 20:01:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10044101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RKaye/pseuds/RKaye
Summary: noun 1. a deep emotional state of melancholic longing for a person or thing that is absent.Amethyst and Pearl's relationship through the years.





	1. August 2009

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Just because you miss someone doesn't mean you should go back to them. Sometimes you just have to keep missing them until you wake up one morning and realize that you don't anymore."

It wasn't unusual for Pearl to be reclusive, but Amethyst was starting to worry. It had been nearly three days since she had last seen Pearl. Her roommate often became engrossed in her work and would spend excessive amounts of time at her dance studio practicing. Amethyst decided to peek into Pearl’s room after her umpteenth text and call went unanswered.

Absolutely pristine. Honestly, Amethyst wasn't sure if she'd have been able to tell if Pearl had come home at all. Pearl left no trail. The only real signs of her even living in their little apartment was her enormous collection of books adorning the bookshelves in the living room.

Amethyst decided to call her one last time. She dialed Pearl’s number by heart, crossed her fingers, and prayed not to get voice mail.

**Ring… Ring… Ring... Ring... Ring…** _You've reached the voicemail box of_ Pearl Lu _. Please leave a message after the tone._ **Beep.**

“Hey, P, it's me again. Please call me when you get this. I'm super worried about you.” Amethyst mashed the end call button harder than necessary. She was frustrated and worried. “I hope you're okay, P.” She settled into their over stuffed armchair and opened her laptop. May as well get some work done, she decided. She worked as a freelance writer. Right now, she was writing articles about butterflies and bullies for a children's magazine. The work was driving her crazy. She wanted to be a real writer, but money was money. She researched and wrote for hours, pausing only to pet Pearl’s wandering cat, Mimi, who was continuously trying to walk across her keyboard unless given attention. 

It was well after midnight when Amethyst heard the front door open. She jolted up from where she had nested into the chair. Pearl came around the corner, ballet bag slung over her shoulder. Amethyst took a moment to look her over before speaking. Her normally crystal blue eyes were bloodshot from lack of sleep. Her short, strawberry blonde hair was covered by a slouchy, loose knit hat, which she only wore when she hadn't had the chance to wash her hair (this was the second time Amethyst had ever seen the hat). She wore her normal post-dance clothes, an oversized University of Michigan t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants, but Amethyst was ninety percent sure they were the same clothes Pearl had worn when she left. Pearl dropped her bag onto the floor and collapsed onto the couch diagonal to Amethyst.

Amethyst broke the silence after a few moments.

“A-Are you okay, Pearl?” she asked quietly. Pearl closed her eyes, breathing deeply. 

“I'm fine,” Pearl replied in a sharp tone. “I am just tired.”

“Oh, okay, well, I was getting kinda worried about you, P,” Amethyst admitted, closing her laptop. “You don't usually stay gone so long. Difficult choreography?” Pearl rolled over onto her side, back facing Amethyst, not answering. Amethyst sighed. Something was wrong.

“Mimi missed you,” Amethyst said as the cat hopped in the chair and rubbed against Pearl’s back. She still didn't budge. “I missed you,” she offered timidly. 

Pearl’s silence turned to gut wrenching sobs. Amethyst clambered off of her chair as fast as she could, taken aback by her friend’s sudden crying fit. She gently moved Mimi to the floor and sat down next to Pearl. 

“What's really the matter, Pearl? Please, I can't stand to see you like this. Let me help you,” she said softly, placing her hand gingerly on Pearl’s back.

“You can't help me, Amethyst. No one can,” Pearl said once her sobs subsided. Amethyst laid down beside her on the couch, carefully wrapping her arms around her slender friend. Pearl’s crying returned, but it was much more subdued. 

“I can try if you'll let me,” Amethyst replied. “ Please. What's wrong?”

“I just miss her so much,” Pearl whispered, almost too quietly. Amethyst groaned. I should have known, she thought. “And every time I see something that reminds me of her, I just, I don't know what to do! I can't just pretend that nothing happened. Pretending it never happened doesn't work for me like it does for her. Everything is too painful! I've got nowhere to turn. Maybe I should call her…” 

“Pearl, look at me,” Pearl turned over in her arms. Amethyst wiped a few of her tears off of her red cheeks and cupped her face gently. “ Rose was awful to you, P. Maybe she didn't physically hurt you, or abuse you in any way, but she was horrible. She kept you dangling. She emotionally fucked you up. It's been a year and seeing something that reminds you of her sends you on a three day bender. You can not call her, P.”

Just because you miss someone doesn't mean you should go back to them. Sometimes you just have to keep missing them until you wake up one morning and realize that you don't anymore."

“You must hate me,” Pearl said quietly. Amethyst gave her a very sincere, very confused look. “I left for days without speaking to you just because something reminded me of Rose. You were worried about me and I ignored you. Even when I finally came home you were kind to me. I would hate me.”

“I could never hate you in a million, billion, gajillion years, Pearl.”

Pearl moved her head to rest on Amethyst’s chest. Amethyst pulled her closer, hugging her tightly.

“What did I do to deserve you, Ame?” Pearl said, fingers tracing Amethyst’s collarbone.

“Something pretty awful, I would guess,” Amethyst said, self-loathingly. Pearl hit her lightly.

“Don't say that about yourself,” she said as Amethyst pressed her lips against her forehead. “You are fantastic.”

“You're pretty great yourself, P. But, one thing.”

“What’s that?”

“Please answer your phone from now on, I was really worried.”

“I promise.”


	2. July 2004

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "There's no such thing as perfect. You are beautiful as you are. Even with your imperfections, you can do anything.”
> 
> Amethyst and her boss have a heart to heart.

As much as Amethyst liked to pretend that she was okay, she wasn't. 

She knew she shouldn't care about what other people thought of her, but she did.

And it hurt her more deeply than she thought it should.

It began at age six. She was in kindergarten. It was a happy time, with play dough and crayons and naps. Then came Jasper. Jasper was her half-sister, and she came to live with them after her father decided she was “too much of a strain” on his new marriage. Amethyst was excited to have a sister. Jasper was less excited, to say the least. 

Amethyst would try her best to make friends with Jasper for years. Jasper would try her best to cut Amethyst down.

“You're not even my real sister,” she would say. “You're too short to be my sister. And too fat.”

Amethyst would cry, at first. Her mother could do little to help her. When Jasper would be chastised or punished, the taunts would only get worse. Eventually, Amethyst stopped caring. Other people made fun of her, but she just let it roll off of her back, answering with a “I know you are, but what am I?” as a child, and a “fuck you, buddy,” as a teenager.

Nothing, though, bothered her as much as that day. 

“Well, maybe if that intolerable, ignorant clod could pay attention to more than what time we break for lunch, we could get more done! I can explain things to her all day, but I can't understand it for her! All she does is make everything harder for me! I want to be done with this so I don't have to look at her ever again!”

Amethyst swallowed all of the emotions that began to bubble up. Her project partner had gone into a meeting with their boss to update her on their progress. Amethyst knew she wasn't meant to hear any of what Peridot had said. She thought they were finally starting to be friends. She turned on her heel and walked quickly back to their makeshift workspace. She smoothed the wrinkled paper she had clenched in her hand and jotted a few notes down on it.

Peridot returned a few moments later.

“Sorry that took so long, Amethyst. Boss talked my ear off! So, did you get anywhere while I was gone?” she asked in a very friendly tone. It was almost enough to push Amethyst over the edge.

“Yeah, actually,” she said, pushing the paper over to Peridot. “I finished it. Just needed to move a few pictures around and change the layout of the columns a bit.”

“Wow,” Peridot was speechless for a minute, looking intently over the sketch and the math scribbled off to the side. “This is amazing. I can't believe I didn't think of this.”

“Yeah, well, see ya around,” Amethyst said, gathering her personal things. “You mind handing that in? I have a meeting.”

She didn't wait for an answer. She walked down the hall, dumped her stuff at her desk, and made a beeline for the stairwell. There, sitting between the fourth and fifth floors, she let herself break down, years of repressed feeling pouring out. 

“I'm so fucking stupid,” she said once her tears finally started to recede. “And ugly and fat and so… so… stupid!” She buried her face in her hands. 

“I don't think you're stupid,” Amethyst jumped when an arm wrapped around her. She looked over to find her boss sitting beside her. “Or ugly or fat, for that matter.”

Amethyst quickly wiped her tears with her sleeves, trying, and failing, to pretend she hadn't been crying.

“I'm so sorry, Ms. Lu, I didn't mean for you,” she began stammering. 

“Shh, it's alright. I'm guessing you heard Peridot, correct?” Lu asked her. Amethyst nodded.

“And I know I shouldn't let it bother me, it's extremely juvenile,” Amethyst said, feeling heat come to her cheeks in embarrassment. Her boss shook her head.

“No, not at all. Peridot was being extremely juvenile. Your work is some of the best I have ever seen, Amethyst. So what if you're a little exuberant? People around here can be so boring. It's refreshing to see someone who really enjoys their work and the people they work with,” Lu replied, squeezing her gently. Amethyst blushed furiously. 

“You are not stupid, or ugly, or fat, Amethyst. In fact, I think you're rather attractive, if I say so myself.”

Am I dead? Amethyst thought, Or is my really hot boss actually hitting on me?

Amethyst turned to face her, taking in her boss’s blushing face. 

“I'm not perfect like Peridot,” she said quietly. Her boss scoffed.

"There's no such thing as perfect. You are beautiful as you are, Amethyst. Even with your imperfections, you can do anything,” Lu said, reaching her long fingers to brush the hair away from Amethyst's eyes. “And I much prefer you to Peridot.”

Amethyst's cheeks were blood red and felt like fire. Her boss’s lingering fingers on her face felt so, so… comforting. They felt so warm but seemed to cool the flames in her cheeks. 

“T-thanks, Ms. Lu,” Amethyst stuttered. Lu laughed. 

“My mother is Ms. Lu. And my sister, I guess, but not me, please. I absolutely detest being a Lu. My name is just Pearl.” 

“Alright, Just Pearl,” Amethyst chuckled. Pearl rolled her eyes.

“Ugh, you know what I meant,” she said as she withdrew her hand from Amethyst's face and placed it in her lap. Amethyst felt a strong urge to grab it and lace her fingers with Pearl’s. But she restrained herself.

“So, you have a sister? That must be nice,” Amethyst offered, desperate to keep the conversation going. Pearl shrugged.

“It was, sometimes. But now we work together, and it's all a big mess,” Pearl admitted a little sadly. Amethyst nodded.

“I understand. My sister’s a bitch,” she said. Pearl smiled. “She refused to even acknowledge that we were sisters until I was, like, fourteen. She’s a bit older than me and always managed to make me feel awful for being around.”

“I'm sorry,” Pearl said. Amethyst shrugged. “My sister was never that bad. I'm older than her, but only by ten months. She always tried to one up me as children. Now, I'm her boss. I don't think she likes it.”

Amethyst wracked her brains for a second. Who is her sister?

“But, that's just Peridot. She can never be happy.”

“Holy shit, Peridot is your sister!?” Amethyst burst out, then remembered who she was talking to. “I'm… sorry for yelling.”

Pearl smiled again.

“Yes, she is, and she's a pain in my ass. She seems to think I should give more of the ‘important’ jobs to her, so that she can advance more quickly and get to where I am. I keep telling her it's not that great. I never wanted to do this. It's our mother’s company, and she more or less forced us into it after college.”

“What do you want to do?” Amethyst asked. Pearl sighed.

“I wanted to be a dancer,” she admitted softly. 

“What concentration?”

“Ballet.”

“You look like a ballerina.”

“Ha, thanks.” 

“No, for real. You should go for it.”

“Do you think?”

“Yeah, I do. You could be the most sought after ballerina on the east coast, then the country, and then,” Amethyst paused for dramatic effect, “the whole world!”

This launched Pearl into a giggling fit. Amethyst soon joined her. 

“We probably look like quite the pair, giggling like madmen in a stairwell,” Pearl said after catching her breath. Amethyst nodded wordlessly. Pearl stood up and smoothed her skirt out, then offered a hand to Amethyst. Amethyst took it gratefully, letting Pearl pull her to her feet. 

“Think about what I said, Ms. Reyes,” Pearl said as they stepped back into the office. Amethyst nodded.

“I will, Ms. Lu. Consider my idea, as well, though,” Pearl nodded at her, and Amethyst sat at her desk and watched Pearl as her heels clicked down the hallway to her office.

“Boss chew your ass?” her desk mate asked her. She shook her head. 

“Nah, wanted to talk about a new project. God, I hate working with Peridot,” she said. Her co worker laughed.

“I think everyone does. Well, congrats on the new project.” Amethyst, who had been thinking about Pearl since sitting down, had completely forgotten that she was talking to someone.

“What?”

“The new project that Ms. Lu gave you?”

“Oh, yeah, thanks. She gave me some good advice. It'll be helpful.”

They both went back to their respective work, but Amethyst could not stop thinking about her boss, absentmindedly tracing over where her fingers had touched her face.

“You are beautiful as you are.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes? No? Maybe? Let me know


	3. September 2006

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You either say what you feel and fuck it up or say nothing and let it fuck you up instead.”
> 
> Peridot likes pineapple pizza. jk I have no idea what this chapter is about

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight Rose bash in this one... sorry. Also some editing was done, for once.

            The last box was sitting in their new living room. Amethyst lay in the floor with her head in Pearl’s lap, their friends sitting in various places, some on the floor, some perched on boxes.

 

            They didn't have a couch yet.

 

            “What time do you have to take the truck back?” Lapis asked from her reclined position on the coffee table.

 

            “By ten tomorrow morning,” Pearl answered.

 

            “Do you still need me to follow you to the U-Haul place?” Peridot piped in.

 

            “Yeah, if you don't mind,” Pearl said. “Amethyst would do it, but, you know…”

 

            “I don't. Why can't Amethyst do it?” Lapis asked. Amethyst groaned, covering her face with her hands.

 

            “I can't drive,” she mumbled through her fingers. Lapis perked up, sitting up and leaning closer to Amethyst.

 

            “What was that?” she asked excitedly.

 

            “I can't drive!” Amethyst said loudly, rolling over to bury her face in Pearl’s lap. Pearl pet her head sympathetically. Lapis burst into a fit of laughter as she rolled off of the coffee table.

 

            “You can’t fuckin’ drive? Oh my God!”

 

            “What’s everybody laughing about?” Everyone turned their heads to see Rose come through the door. She gracefully sat down next to Pearl and kissed her on the temple. “Everything is settled, babe.”

 

            Amethyst, who had flipped back over in just enough time to see Pearl blush, groaned.

 

            “Amethyst can’t drive!” Lapis all but yelled. Rose laughed and touched Amethyst’s face.

 

            “It’s not that big of a deal, Amethyst,” she said in her sing songy voice. Amethyst couldn’t help but to feel a little better, and she hated it.  

 

            Rose was one of those people. Everyone loved her and she loved everyone. But she often was caught up in her own world, which caused her to hurt people inadvertently. Amethyst had seen her do it to Pearl many, many times.

 

 

> “ _What’s wrong, P?”_ Amethyst had asked her several months ago. “ _I thought you were going out with Rose tonight.”_ Pearl shrugged and went back to reading her book through tear stained eyes.
> 
>  
> 
>  “ _Something came up and she cancelled.”_
> 
>  
> 
> _"What kind of something? Is she sick?”_ A sigh.
> 
>  
> 
> _"No. A friend managed to get tickets to some rock concert but they only had two. And it’s only in town for one night, and I don't really like loud music and crowds, so I really don’t                  blame her.”_
> 
>  
> 
> _“Isn’t tonight your anniversary?”_
> 
>  
> 
> _“... Yeah…”_

 

            Amethyst liked Rose a lot. She had a few issues with her, though. None of them were the fact she was dating Pearl, though.

 

            Not at all.

 

            “I’m pretty sure we were promised pizza,” Peridot said suddenly. “Wasn’t that the deal? We move your shit across town, you buy us pizza?” Pearl looked at her in mock disapproval.

 

            “Oh, so you did it for pizza, not because you love your sister or anything.”

 

            “Yeah, pizza,” Peridot said, and Lapis nodded in agreement.

 

            “Pizza.”

 

            “You guys suck,” Amethyst said as she sat up and pulled her hair into a messy ponytail. “Let’s go. Someone drive, I’ll buy.”

* * *

 

            “This pizza is so good,” Peridot said. Lapis and Amethyst laughed.

 

            “You say that about all pizza, Peri,” Lapis said, lying down across her girlfriend’s lap.

 

            “That's because all pizza is so good,” Peridot quipped and brought both of her elbows to rest on Lapis’ stomach.

 

            “Even pineapple?” Lapis asked, eyebrow raised.

 

            “Even pineapple,” Peridot agreed. Lapis scrunched her face up in disgust. Peridot hit her in the face with the slice of pizza.

 

            “Gross, Peri!”

 

            “Can you guys stop being so fucking cute with each other and help me put these bookshelves together?” Amethyst asked. Lapis groaned and rolled off of Peridot’s lap.

 

            “I guess,” she said, rolling over to where Amethyst was sitting, trying desperately to figure out how the pieces fit together. “Where are the instructions?”

 

            “Pearl bought these online for real cheap. The instructions they came with were in Chinese. Pearl said she could put them together.” Amethyst uselessly hit the piece she was holding with the end of her screw driver.

 

            “Where is Pearl?” Lapis asked. At some point, Rose and Pearl had disappeared.  

 

            “They went for a walk or something,” Peridot said, picking up the instructions and looking at them intently. “You have to flip that piece in your hand over and then fit the pegs into the other piece.”

 

            “Since when do you read Chinese?” Lapis asked in disbelief. Peridot straighten her glasses.

 

            “Since I spent every summer with my father in Singapore,” she flipped the instructions around “and the English instructions were on the folded in side.”

 

            They tried to follow the instructions, but the bookshelves resisted being built. After an hour, one of the three bookshelves were assembled, and they had all moved on the other tasks, like unpacking the kitchen.

 

            After glancing at her phone and realizing how long Pearl and Rose had been gone, Amethyst broke into Peridot and Lapis’ chatter.

 

            “Peridot, can I ask you a question?” Amethyst asked. Peridot nodded, putting a few more pots into the cabinets. Amethyst leaned against the counter and took a deep breath. “Pearl and Rose have been dating for a while.”

 

            “That's not a question.”

 

            “Yeah, I know, here's the question: what do you think about Rose?”

 

            “I think that she is nice. She makes Pearl happy. Sometimes she seems a little… maybe self-involved or insensitive, but I like her enough. It doesn't really concern me, though,” Peridot rambled as she put more things into the cabinets. “Why do you ask?”

 

            “I don't know her that well. Pearl’s dated Rose since we met, but I didn't even meet her until we started looking for apartments. I guess what I really wanted to know is… does she always treat Pearl like on their anniversary?” Amethyst let the question drop before she could think to stop it.

 

            Lapis sighed.

 

            “Yeah, she kinda does. It's hard to watch sometimes, but Pearl is crazy about her.”

 

            Amethyst nodded silently and finished putting her box away. The regular chatter started back up and soon Amethyst suggested they move back into the living room to try the bookshelves again. One and a half bookshelves later, the three women found themselves lying on the floor, covered in plastic wrap and cardboard.

 

            “Why did the lizard cross the road?” Peridot asked, barely able to contain her giggling. Lapis groaned.

 

            Amethyst took the bait.

 

            “Why?”

 

            “It was taped to the chicken’s back!” Peridot doubled over in laughter. Amethyst chuckled at the sight of her.

 

            “She tells it five times a week,” Lapis deadpanned.

 

            “We should probably head home soon, Ame,” Peridot said, checking her watch as she wiped tears from her eyes. Amethyst frowned. “I've got work in the morning and Lazuli has dance class.”

 

            The three friends walked to the door and said their goodbyes.

 

            “Sorry, Amethyst,” Lapis said, putting on her jacket.

 

            “It's okay, Lap. I know you got work, unlike me,” she said jokingly. Lapis shook her head.

 

            “I mean about Pearl and Rose,” Lapis clarified. Amethyst frowned.

 

            “What’re you talkin’ about?”

 

            “I've seen how you look at her Ame. Tell her. You either say what you feel and fuck it up or say nothing and let it fuck you up instead.”

 

            “... Have a nice night, Lapis,” Amethyst said, and quietly added, “I’ll try.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they're gonna kiss soon, because I'm getting tired of them not


	4. May 2007

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "To love someone who doesn't love you back is the cruelest, most unforgiving heartache I have ever experienced."
> 
> Pearl struggles with a pressing issue, and Amethyst isn't helping any.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UPDATE: Fixed some minor problems in this chapter

Pearl wasn't a stranger to kissing, though she never particularly enjoyed it. She had a few kisses that had made her heart flutter and some that were absolutely awful. But looking down at Amethyst's face, scrunched in concentration, brought a surge of feelings she wasn't sure she had ever felt before.

It baffled Pearl how completely oblivious Amethyst was to what she was thinking. She was laying on the couch with her head in Pearl’s lap, playing with a GameBoy. Pearl was trying to restrain herself from pulling her up and kissing the absolute shit out of her. She finally resigned herself to playing with her hair, running her long fingers across her scalp, scratching gently.

This, of course, was the wrong thing to do for Pearl’s situation.

Amethyst moaned.

Pearl almost jumped up and ran, face turning bright tomato red.

“That feels so good, P,” Amethyst said, shifting in Pearl's lap, effectively pinning her down. Pearl’s face got hotter, and she carefully started extracting her fingers from her roommate’s lilac tresses, causing her to whine, “Please don't stop! It felt nice.”

Pearl took a deep breath. She slowly continued scratching Amethyst's scalp, eliciting the occasional moan. After a few minutes, Pearl’s face was somehow redder and she was about two seconds from fisting her fingers in Amethyst’s hair and kissing her until she couldn't breathe, maybe longer.

“Shit, I died,” Amethyst said, looking up at Pearl. “You okay, P? You look a little red.”

“N-No, I'm fine, thank you. I need to get up, though,” she said with a little breathless laugh. She had forgotten exactly how beautiful Amethyst's eyes were, losing herself in the rich coffee colored irises staring at her.

“Are you sure, P? You're breathing p-ritty heavily for sitting on a couch.” Amethyst sat up, turning her body to face Pearl’s.

“No, I'm really, uh, okay,” Pearl said, feeling her heart race as Amethyst’s hand traveled across her face, feeling for a raise in temperature. Thick fingers brushed a strand of hair behind her ear.

“You sure?” Amethyst asked once again, and then, in a flirty tone that Pearl could only hope wasn't joking, “‘Cause if you're havin’ trouble breathing, I know mouth to mouth.”

Pearl was certain she was about to have an aneurysm as Amethyst leaned in closer.

“Guess who brought Chinese food, mother fuckers?” 

Pearl jumped up, flustered, away from Amethyst, who sat confusedly on the couch before calling back to the intruder.

“Someone who's abusing their key privilege, Lapis!”

Lapis came around the corner, holding containers of Chinese take out. She stopped to take in the sight before her.

Pearl was standing across the living room, pretending to be looking through her books, but her face was red and she was slightly shaking. Amethyst was reclined on the couch, as usual, but seemed utterly confused. She was playing her GameBoy, and her hair was an absolute wreck.

“Did I interrupt something…” Lapis trailed off. Not waiting for an answer, she sat down in front of the coffee table, producing chopsticks and soy sauce packets from her bag. “Ready to watch _Gilmore Girls_?”

Amethyst sat up, grabbing a pair of chopsticks and a container of noodles.

Pearl turned, trying to exit the room quickly.

“Aren't you going to watch it with us?” Lapis said, stopping her in her tracks.

“I actually don't feel very well, I'll catch up on it tomorrow,” Pearl excused herself and disappeared into her bedroom. She heard Lapis ask what was wrong with her and Amethyst give a noncommittal response before the television came on.

Pearl lay down in her bed, overthinking the last fifteen minutes of her life. 

She almost kissed Amethyst. Amethyst almost kissed her. What did that mean?

Did she like her? Pearl most certainly like Amethyst, and oh did she feel bad about it. It felt wrong. She and Amethyst were friends. And she used to be Amethyst's boss. And Amethyst was so, so… 

She was wonderful. Absolutely wonderful in every aspect. From her lilac hair to her deep brown eyes to her curvy figure to her infectious laugh to her sense of humor to her boisterous personality. Pearl loved her. She was her best friend.

Pearl wanted to kiss her so much. She wanted to wake up and feel Amethyst next to her. She wanted to walk through the park holding her hand and point out the different types of birds while Amethyst made fun of her. She wanted to love her.

“That's stupid,” Pearl mumbled to herself, cocooning herself in her blankets. Mimi hopped up on the bed, purring and rubbing against cocoon Pearl. She pushed a hand out to pet the cat. “Why am I so stupid, Mimi?”

The cat purred again, pressing against her owner’s face. Pearl pushed her away gently.

“You're lucky you're a cat, Mimi, you know why? Because you'll never fall in love. To love someone who doesn't love you back is the cruelest, most unforgiving heartache I have ever experienced. And I'm stupid enough that I'm going to let it happen twice.”

Mimi meowed, discontent with the amount of petting she was receiving. Pearl laughed at her, breaking out of her cocoon and laying on her back. She picked Mimi up and placed her on her chest, petting her.

“It'll be okay, though. Everything passes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one day because I'm lazy when it comes to doing things in order of importance.
> 
> Hope you liked it :)


	5. November 2005

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm getting tired of it. I'm tired of feeling the way I do, and then she swoops in every so often and makes me feel so good that I can forgive her and forget about it until I feel bad again. I don't think it's too much to not want to share a person, do you?”
> 
> Amethyst needs a roommate. Pearl needs... something more than what she has.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Hope you're all having a great day!

“Look, Ame, I'm super glad that you quit your job to work on your writing, and you staying here while you find a new apartment is totally cool, but if you accidentally walk in on me and Lapis again I cannot protect you from her.”

“It's not entirely my fault, Peri! The last time y'all were in the bathroom with the door unlocked! And before that the kitchen! And…”

“We live alone! We aren't used to guests,” Peridot mumbled. “... Sorry about that, though.”

“Finding a new apartment is so frustrating!” Amethyst face planted into the couch. “Can't I just live with you guys forever?”

“Absolutely not!” Lapis yelled faintly from the other side of the apartment.

“She means that she loves you and wants the best for you, but maybe you should find a roommate before she murders you.”

“Ugh!” Amethyst groaned into the couch cushion. “You don't happen to know anyone looking for a super gay, super jobless roommate, do you?”

Peridot smiled sympathetically. 

“Why did I think that this was a good idea?”

“I don't know, but I got a promotion when you quit.”

“Yeah, ‘cause the boss is your sister.”

“That is not why!”

Amethyst looked up at her.

“Yeah, it totally is, Peri.”

“Speaking of sisters,” Peridot trailed off, leading the conversation into dangerous waters.

“I'm not calling Jasper,” Amethyst sat up. “I'll live on the street before I ask Jasper for help.”

“Look, I don't like her either, but she is your only family,” Peridot said awkwardly, sitting down next to Amethyst.

“After what she did to you and Lapis? Ha. She is not my family,” Amethyst said heatedly. “I found a pretty cheap apartment, but I still need a roommate. I can't make the rent on my own.”

“Maybe you shouldn't have quit your job right before your lease went up,” Peridot offered.

“Maybe you should shut the fuck up, Peridot,” Amethyst said, not unkindly. Amethyst opened her laptop, clicking the tab she had open to an apartment guide website. “Are you sure you don't know anyone looking for a roommate?”

Peridot shifted in her seat uncomfortably.

“Peridot? Tell me.”

“My sister’s roommates just moved out because they had a baby.”

“WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME TEN MINUTES AGO WHEN I ASKED?”

“First of all because I never dreamed I would be shouted at,” Peridot said pointedly. Amethyst begrudgingly apologized. “Secondly because I didn't think you'd want to live with my sister.”

“Why not?”

“Because she was your boss? And you walked into her office and told her everything that was wrong with her company and that you quit and everyone there could quote ‘suck my ass’ unquote?”

“That was two months ago, I'm sure she doesn't remember.”

* * *

“You know, if you do move in, I'm not going to ‘suck your ass’.”

Amethyst’s face flushed.

“Haha, sorry about that.”

Pearl hummed as she showed Amethyst around the split level townhouse.

“It's three bedroom, two bath. The bedrooms are upstairs with one bathroom. The other bathroom is right down the hall,” Pearl said, pointing towards the kitchen. “I use the extra bedroom as an office, so I pay more of the rent. Ruby and Sapphire haven't had the chance to move all of their stuff yet, with the baby and all, so I’m letting them keep some things here. Any questions?”

Amethyst was dumbfounded at the apartment. It was sparkling clean and tastefully decorated. The kitchen was a nice size, and the dining room was a little cramped, filled with boxes and boxes of paperwork, obviously never used.

“It's really nice, Ms. L-Pearl,” Amethyst corrected herself. She wasn't her boss anymore. “Anything you need from me?”

“First and last month's rent and a promise that you're not going to leave before the lease is up,” Pearl sighed. Amethyst held her hand out. Pearl gave her an odd look before taking it. Amethyst shook their hands enthusiastically.

“Looks like we're roomies, P.”

“Please don't call me that.”

* * *

“So, you like her?” Peridot asked her sister as she poured a cup of tea for them both.

“I like her enough. She was a good worker, you know, except for the whole ‘suck my ass, I quit’ thing. I know her well enough to not have to worry about her killing me in my sleep, so,” Pearl said, carefully taking a sip of her hot tea.

“How are Ruby and Sapphire?” Peridot asked. Pearl chuckled.

“Little Garnet is running them ragged. They're both so sleep deprived. Ruby called me freaking out because they were going somewhere, and they buckled Garnet into her car seat and shut the car door. The doors locked and they started freaking out. I was almost over there when Sapphire called me back. She had the keys in her pocket.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah. It suits them, though. Being mothers. They're both extremely happy.”

“So, when is Amethyst moving in?” Peridot changed the subject back to the real reason she was in her sister’s office: getting Amethyst out before Lapis maimed her.

“I think next week,” Pearl said, crossing her legs as she took another sip of tea. 

“Are you sure you're okay with her?”

“Yes. I need a roommate, so does she.”

“But..”

“It'll be okay, Peridot. I like Amethyst well enough, don't worry. I'm not going to kick her to the curb.”

“Is Rose okay with it?”

“I don't much care what Rose is okay with right now, actually.”

“Really?”

“I'm getting tired of it, Peridot. I'm tired of feeling the way I do, and then she swoops in every so often and makes me feel so good that I can forgive her and forget about it until I feel bad again. I don't think it's too much to not want to share a person, do you?”

“No, I don't.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> have a good day/night. i promise they'll kiss reeeeeal soon.


	6. December 2007

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "But why would anyone set out to break the heart of someone they loved? Why would anyone intentionally cause that kind of pain?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More Rose bashing, kind of? Sadness, definitely.  
> Enjoy :^)

“I'm pregnant.”

The words jumbled around for a moment before they started stinging in Pearl’s brain.

“Wh-what?”

A sigh.

“I'm pregnant, Pearl. Greg- Greg is the father.”

Pearl could feel the tears start streaming down her face as her chest began heaving with sobs.

“How- how c-could you do this to me?”

“Pearl, I'm so sorry.”

She wiped her tears with her sleeves, remembering who and where she was. She took a silent moment to regain her composure.

“Well, tell Gregory I said congratulations. I'm sure you'll both just be wonderful parents.” The words tasted bitter on her tongue. She left without saying another word to her girlfriend, well, ex-girlfriend. 

She went straight home. Well, almost straight home.

* * *

“Guess who's home and has rent money, P?!” Amethyst yelled as she walked into the living room. She was greeted by an obviously drunk Pearl, surrounded by several large bottles of wine. Amethyst grimaced. Pearl didn't drink.

“Amethyst, I'm so sad,” Pearl mumbled, her head laying on the coffee table. Amethyst came to sit beside her, putting an arm around her.

“Why are you sad, P? And where'd you get all this wine?”

“She broke my heart. I thought she loved me. She said she did. But why would anyone set out to break the heart of someone they loved? Why would anyone intentionally cause that kind of pain?”

“Pearl, what are you talking about?”

“Rose’s pregnant.”

“What?”

“That's what I said! Twice. I'm an idiot, Amethyst. How could I not see that she was cheating on me with Gregory? Am I that bad of a girlfriend?” Pearl took a random bottle and sipped out of it. Amethyst took it away from her. 

“You don't need anymore to drink, Pearl. And it isn't your fault that Rose is pregnant.”

“Sure it is. I must have done something to make her not want me, Amethyst.” Pearl made an attempt to get the bottle from Amethyst. “I knew she was hanging around Gregory more. I should have seen it and made adjustments to our relationship.”

Amethyst sighed, taking in the situation. Pearl had managed to get a different bottle. Amethyst let her keep this one.

“So, your response was to come home and get wine drunk? You hate drinking, Pearl,” Amethyst said, stroking Pearl’s back as she began crying softly. “P, it isn't your fault. Rose is the one you messed it up. You are not the problem. Anyone would be lucky to have you as a girlfriend! I wish I could get me a girl like you.”

Pearl looked at her with tears in her eyes. Amethyst brushed hair out of her face, cupping her cheek.

“You're a catch, Pierogi. Don't let anyone make you feel like garbage. ‘Cause you're not. You're, like, the awesomest person I've ever met.”

Amethyst never would have guessed what came next. 

Pearl leaned in, slowly. 

Amethyst froze, unable to move or process what was happening.

“Do you really think that?”

“O-of course, Pearl. Have I ever lied to you?”

Pearl pressed her lips against Amethyst’s.

It was like the movies. Sparks and fireworks and stars. Everything suddenly felt so right. She was where she needed to be. It was Amethyst. Always Amethyst.

Amethyst, however, felt differently.

“Stop, Pearl,” Amethyst said as she gently pushed Pearl away. “You're drunk, Pearl. As much as I want to kiss you- God, do I want to kiss you- you just had your heart broken. You're not even going to remember this tomorrow. Tomorrow’s just gonna be headaches and regrets, and I don't wanna be one of ‘em.”

Pearl nodded sadly and took another drink of wine.

“I'm sorry, Amethyst.”

“It's okay, Pearl. Why don't we get you to bed, hm?”

Amethyst helped Pearl up the stairs to her bedroom, and, when Pearl started stripping, she helped her get into an oversized shirt to sleep in.

“Thank you, Amethyst,” Pearl said as Amethyst sat down a glass of water on her bedside table.

“No prob, P. I put some Advil there, too. You'll be looking for it in the morning,” Amethyst said, smiling sadly. She turned to leave. Pearl grabbed her wrist. She turned back.

“I mean it, Amethyst. I know I don't say it much, but I appreciate you. I know I've got a lot of issues and you help me so much. I love you, Ame. You're my best friend.”

“I love you, too, P. Now go to sleep.”

* * *

Pearl stumbled down the stairs and into the kitchen, groaning.

“Why are all of these lights so damn bright?” she complained as she sat at the bar. Amethyst, who was singing some unintelligible song to herself, laughed.

“The lights are off, P. That's the sun through the windows,” Amethyst said, putting a plate with pancakes and fruit down infront of Pearl, followed by a mug of tea.

“Well, tell the sun it needs to bring it down a little,” she said, sipping her tea. “Thank you, Amethyst.”

“No prob, Bob,” Amethyst said, sitting next to Pearl with her own plate of food. They ate in silence for a few moments. 

“Thank you.”

“You already thanked me, P.”

“I mean for last night. I hate feeling like that, and I'm sorry I dragged you into it. I'm sorry you have to deal with me.”

“I don't do anything I don't wanna do, Pearl. I'm happy to help you however I can.”

“I feel so bad. I can only assume from how sick I was earlier that I was trashed last night.”

“You got wine drunk, P. You don't remember?”

“I remember sadness. But that's an ongoing feeling, so…” 

Amethyst let the subject drop and continued eating her pancakes. She was half hoping that Pearl would remember kissing her, and that she might want to do it again. It was a long shot wish.

“Do you feel any better this morning?” Amethyst asked.

“I've moved into the anger phase. I'm extremely mad. Why would she do this to me, Amethyst?”

“IDK, P. You're a catch,” Amethyst offered. Pearl scoffed.

“You're right. I am a catch,” Pearl said rather haughtily. 

“There's the Pearl I know,” Amethyst laughed. Pearl gave her a smile.

“Thank you for breakfast, Amethyst, but I think I'm going to go back to bed for a bit.”

“Oh, okay. Good night, Pearl.”

“Ha. Good night, Ame.”

Amethyst watched her walk up the stairs.

“Love you, P.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should probably write something happy now.
> 
> If you've got a request/suggestion for a story, chapter, prompt, etc., drop me a line.


	7. December 2008

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> " _Sorry for smelling like cigarette smoke and staring at you all the time and laughing too loud and having a shaky voice when you tell me beautiful words that aren't meant for people like me. _"__
> 
> Amethyst quits smoking. Pearl wants her to be happy.

“You're smoking again?” Pearl asked as Amethyst lit her cigarette. They had just left a bar and were walking the two blocks back to their apartment.

“No. Last week I was smoking again. Now I'm just smoking still,” Amethyst said, taking a long drag and exhaling. “Wanna see if I can still blow rings?”

“Amethyst, it was so hard for you to quit,” Pearl said, pulling her coat tighter to her in an attempt to save herself from the cool night air. 

“Eh, so? I just won't quit this time.” Amethyst shrugged out of her jacket and draped it over Pearl’s shoulders, careful not to get smoke or ash in her face. “Don't argue; you're shivering.”

“Amethyst, you're destroying your body,” Pearl said. Amethyst smiled sort of sadly.

“Aren't we all, P? It's my body to destroy. Not like anyone would miss it,” Amethyst said, mumbling the end.

“Amethyst, I miss you. All of the time. I can't quite explain it or put my finger on it, but I do. When you've been gone, even just for a few hours, I feel so alone. God, I hate it when you leave for work. I feel so bad that I need you, but I do. I need you, Amethyst. You hold me together.”

Amethyst sighed.

“Sorry, P. Last one, ‘kay?” She promised, hearing her own voice shake as she flicked ashes into the street. They walked in silence for awhile, Pearl hugging Amethyst's jacket to her, Amethyst pretending that she wasn't cold. 

•••••••••••••••••  
“I made you some tea,” Amethyst said a few days later, placing the steaming mug down in front of Pearl. Pearl looked up from her paperwork, a noodle from her lo mein dangling from her mouth. 

“Oh, thank you!” Pearl said appreciatively. She continued her paperwork, eating her noodles and drinking her tea.

Amethyst sat down across from her with her own mug of tea. She watched Pearl, noticing the little things she never really took time to see, like how her mouth was a little crooked, or how her eyebrows knit together in concentration, or how she was really awful at eating with chopsticks. Pearl, however, eventually noticed she was being stared at. 

“Um, do you want some noodles, Ame?” Pearl asked. Amethyst snapped out of her trance, laughing awkwardly and loudly. 

“Haha, no, I'm good, bro! Just forgot what I was, uh, doing! Thanks, though! I'm gonna, um, I'm, outside. Cool, bye!” Amethyst turned, abandoning her tea, heading towards the balcony.

“The fuck was that?!” she asked herself as she opened her pack of cigarettes, putting one between her lips and lighting it. She inhaled deeply, savoring the smoke that filled her lungs. She exhaled slowly, watching the smoke filter out of her mouth into the night air. 

Amethyst leaned against the railing, watching some stray cats in the bushes across the row. 

She stayed outside and burned her way through four cigarettes while shivering and making up stories about cats. She was deeply invested in their made-up lives. 

The door slid open behind her.

“You're going to catch your death of cold or cancer out here,” Pearl said as she shivered next to Amethyst. Amethyst sighed.

“Maybe be you should go back in, then. Flu, secondhand smoke, and what not,” Amethyst replied as she flicked her fourth cigarette butt off the balcony, aiming for the little pile she had made on the ground.

“Maybe I came out here to have a smoke,” Pearl said, and Amethyst couldn't stop herself from laughing. “What's so funny?”

“You. The way you said it,” Amethyst wheezed. Pearl scoffed.

“What do you mean by that?” she asked haughtily. 

“You said it with the confidence of a million professors, like you would actually smoke a cigarette.”

“Maybe I will.”

“You will not.”

“I will too!”

“No.”

“Why not?” Pearl demanded.

“Because these are mine, and I'm not giving you one,” Amethyst said. Pearl looked at her.

“Why aren’t I allowed to smoke?” she asked. “Why you, but not me?”

“Because it's a nasty habit, and I'm already fucked up.” 

Silence.

 

“You aren't fucked up.”

Something about hearing the words come from Pearl’s mouth set Amethyst off.

She started sobbing.

Pearl wrapped her arms around her. Amethyst leaned into her chest.

“I'm sorry I'm such a fuck up. I'm sorry I always say dumb things. Sorry I keep making you adjust your life for me. Sorry for smelling like cigarette smoke and staring at you all the time and laughing too loud and having a shaky voice when you tell me beautiful words that aren't meant for people like me,” she sobbed, and took a deep breath. “I'm sorry.”

Pearl tilted Amethyst's head back and looked into her eyes. Amethyst swore her heart stopped.

“You do not apologize to me. Amethyst, you're not a fuck up. You keep my life so interesting. I don't know what I did before you. I think my life was stagnating. You are not an inconvenience. You are my friend. You never have to apologize for being you.”

Stray tear dripped from Amethyst's eyes as her heart continued to beat in an absolutely ridiculous rhythm.

“Pearl,” she whispered hoarsely as Pearl wiped her cheeks. “I…”

Pearl slowly leaned in, leaning down.

Amethyst panicked. 

_What do I do, what do I do _, she thought to herself, suddenly very aware of her hands on Pearl’s upper chest.__

__Pearl stopped, their foreheads touching._ _

__“You're my best friend, Amethyst.”_ _

__The forehead touch turned into a hug._ _

__Amethyst felt silly._ _

__“We should probably go inside, P. It's freezing out here.”_ _

__“Oh, yes. Of course.”_ _

__They went inside, and Pearl went back to her work. Amethyst flopped down on the couch, flipping the television on. She lay there, not really watching. Her face was burning with embarrassment._ _

__Surely she had imagined the heat between herself and Pearl. Surely Pearl hadn't been about to kiss her. She was just letting her emotions get to her._ _

__Pearl was her friend. Nothing else._ _

__Then why did it feel the way it did?_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am, in fact, alive and well. 
> 
> It's so hard being a single mother when you're a 19 year old in a gay relationship with no kids.
> 
> Anyways kiddos, don't smoke. It's not cool. 
> 
> And, as always, (even though I'm slacking) send me some suggestions/requests/ideas and see me butcher them in writing.


	8. June 2008

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Did I change or did you just stop loving me?"
> 
>  
> 
> Pearl can't go on the way she's going. Amethyst puts her foot down about cyberstalking. Rose is confused a lot.

The worst part of breaking up with Rose wasn't that she was with Greg. It wasn't that she had lied. It wasn't even that she was pregnant. It was that Pearl couldn't stay mad. She couldn't be mad at her for more than a day or two. Then she saw her, and it was like nothing had happened. They acted like friends.

And Pearl hated herself for it.

She didn't know why she acted that way. She wanted to hate Rose. She should hate Rose. But seeing Rose so happy, even when she herself was dying inside…

She figured if she really loved Rose, she could let it go. But she was pissed off about it.

Six months passed.

Pearl hadn't seen Rose in several weeks.

At least, hadn't seen her in person.

Amethyst eventually had to step in about the cyber stalking.

“P, it isn't healthy to obsessively check Rose’s Facebook,” Amethyst said as she sat on the couch next to Pearl.

“I'm not obsessing,” Pearl said defensively, shutting her laptop quickly.

“Oh? What do you do before you go to work?”

“I go for a run, shower, eat breakfast, attempt to wake you up, and check my emails.”

“And while you're checking emails you don't get on Facebook?

“Sometimes…” Pearl muttered.

“A lot of the time,” Amethyst corrected her. “What do you do when you get home?”

“I don't need the third degree from you, Amethyst!” Pearl said hotly. “I'm an adult.”

“Pearl, I'm just saying. You spend a lot of time looking at Rose’s page. I know you miss her, and I know it hurts still, but that's not a way to fill the hole. You need some closure. You can't keep torturing yourself.”

Pearl stared at Amethyst. Amethyst looked back at her, unperturbed by the ugly look she was getting. Pearl stood up and strode off, taking her purse and keys off of the hook by the front door. She went outside and slammed the door loudly behind her.

Then she sat in her car and cried.

She felt horrible. Amethyst was right. She hated it when Amethyst was right.

Pearl inhaled deeply, exhaled rather forcefully, and took her phone out of her purse.

_Hello, Rose. I know it's been awhile since we’ve spoken, but I would really like to talk to you. Can you meet me for lunch at the cafè by the old office?_

Pearl hit send before she could stop herself. 

Minutes passed. Pearl hadn't realized she was holding her breath until her phone dinged and scared her.

_Of course, Pearl! 1:00 good?_

Then a moment later,

_I've missed you_

Pearl cried again.

* * *

It was only 12:45 when Pearl parked behind the cafè. She leaned her head back against the headrest and tried to calm down. She rehearsed what she would say to Rose, imagining every scenario and outcome, how Rose would react, how she would storm out, how much she would cry (she hoped none). 

Her watch finally crept around to almost 1:00, so Pearl got out of her car and walked the short distance to the entrance.

The cozy cafè brought back a surge of memories. Late lunches, quick cups of coffee, unofficial dates, actual dates… Pearl tried to clear the history from her mind.

She sat at their old table. 

She ordered their old lunch order.

She waited.

Five minutes after 1:00, the door opened.

She was a ray of sunshine. The room lit up as she bounced in through the door.

Rose swept over to the table. Pearl jumped up, already flustered.

“Pearl!”

Rose pulled her into a hug. Pearl couldn't help but hug her back.

“You look fantastic!” Rose said, sitting down. Pearl also sat down and took in Rose's appearance.

She looked good. Also, extremely pregnant. She was positively glowing.

“You look… good as well,” Pearl said flatly.

Rose laughed. Pearl stared at her.

“It's been too long, my Pearl,” Rose said, smiling softly. Pearl shook her head.

“Please don't call me that.”

Rose stopped smiling.

“What?”

“Please don't call me ‘my Pearl’ like nothing happened, Rose. We need to talk so I can get over this,” Pearl said, gesturing around herself. “I can't keep going without some sort of closure.”

“You're the one who stormed out, Pearl.” Rose said, frowning. “You're the one who wouldn't talk, or listen.”

Pearl laughed.

“Rose. You cheated on me. You are pregnant. With Gregory’s child. What did you expect me to do? Sit there and tell you it was okay? Pretend you hadn't said anything?”

“Why is this coming up now? You haven't said anything these last few months.”

“Because I was trying to pretend everything was okay! I was trying to go on with my life!”

Rose was silent. Their food came. Pearl picked at her caprese salad. Rose took a few bites of her croissant.

“I'm sorry, Pearl. I was caught up in the moment, I didn't know what to do. I guess I wanted you to tell me it would be okay.”

“It isn't okay, Rose,” Pearl said quietly. “It killed me. I loved you so much.”

“You don't anymore.” Rose looked at her sadly. It wasn't a question.

“I spent these last months wondering if you ever loved me to begin with.”

“Pearl…”

“No, Rose. I have to know. Did I change, or did you just stop loving me?”

Rose fell silent again.

“I think we both changed,” Rose said after a few moments.

Pearl nodded.

“Okay. Now,” Pearl took a deep breath. “Show me the sonogram.”

“What?” Rose asked, obviously confused.

“Come on, Rose, I know you've got one on you. I want to see the baby.”

“But, why…?” Rose asked as she dug in her purse, pulling a photo out.

“Let's consider this a first step,” Pearl said, taking the sonogram from Rose’s hand.

“To being friends?” Rose asked hopefully.

Pearl nodded.

“So, boy or girl?”

“We don't know! It's a surprise! But we do have names. It's Norah for a girl and Steven for a boy.”

* * *

Amethyst came home to quite a sight.

Pearl was singing. And cooking. And setting the dining room table.

“Who're you having over for dinner, P?”

“Oh,” Pearl said, turning around. “Actually, this is for you.”

Amethyst gave her a confused look.

“Why, though?”

Pearl blushed a little. 

“I owe you an apology, Amethyst. I had lunch with Rose.”

“How'd that go?” Amethyst asked as she walked past Pearl into the kitchen. “Aw man! You made pasta!”

“Shrimp fettuccine. It went okay. We talked. I got… closure. Can you take the bread out of the oven?” 

“Shit, you made bread sticks?” Pearl nodded as she tossed the vegetables she had been cutting into a salad bowl. Amethyst used a tea towel to take the tray out of the oven.

“We have oven mitts, Amethyst.” Amethyst shrugged.

“This was closer. I'm glad you feel better.”

“I do feel better.”

“Cool. Let's eat.”

“Okay,” Pearl laughed.

It was Pearl’s first good night in a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear everything comes together. There's only, like, 3 more chapters.


	9. December 2009

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I thought you'd never ask."
> 
>  
> 
> Amethyst and Pearl go to a Christmas party. Jasper and Bismuth play matchmaker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried

It had been a rough day.

Amethyst slumped down into the pile of clothes on her bed.

Really, though, it had been a rough week. And month. The whole year, really.

“I just want to disappear forever,” she mumbled into a t-shirt. 

Temping sucked. The company she was currently at was full of people who actually cared about inputting numbers and the boss was an idiot who didn't seem to understand the concept of “no.”

Amethyst had managed to let herself get roped into a party. With a bunch of boring people she had no interest in spending time around. And a man a little too interested in her, who also happened to decide if and when she got to work there.

“Is it too much to ask to be absorbed by the universe?” she asked Mimi, who hopped onto her bed and started purring.

Amethyst wished to be absorbed until six o'clock, and then she started getting ready. She showered and dried her hair, spraying some of Pearl’s curl gel into her hair. She threw on a pair (only pair) of her nicer jeans (only three holes) and a blouse she had stolen from her sister the last time she visited. Topped off with a jacket and boots, she felt decent enough to leave.

The front door opened and shut as Amethyst walked into the kitchen.

“Amethyst, are you home?” Pearl called.

“No,” Amethyst called back. “I'm about to leave.

“Where are you going?” Pearl inquired, kneeling to unlace her shoes and put them in her shoe tray. “Got a date?”

“Ha, I wish. No, it's a stupid office party,” Amethyst answered as she stepped into the hall from the kitchen.

Pearl looked up to see Amethyst. And she was dumbstruck.

“Whatddya think? Professional enough?”

Pearl took the opportunity to look over Amethyst once again. The jeans were ripped in just the right way to show off the flowery tattoo on her thigh. The lavender blouse was just low cut enough to tease at the swell of her breast and the Mandala-style crystal tattoo on her sternum. Topped with the cute boots and the leather jacket…

“You look like you're going out to a bar,” Pearl finally spoke, standing up. Amethyst laughed.

“Well, maybe I can skip out and head to one and make this night worth it,” she said, walking to the door and pulling a loose knit beanie over her hair.

“Have fun and be careful,” Pearl said, picking cat hair from Amethyst’s jacket. “I'll be here, alone. Reading my book. Being boring.”

“Trade?”

“Haha.”

“Actually, come with me, P! Yeah! We can make up a story and we can leave early and go out!” Amethyst said excitedly as she tried to find another way out.

Pearl felt her heart start beating the way it only did when Amethyst got excited. She knew it would end badly.

“Okay.”

“Yes!”

* * *

The moment Pearl walked into the office, she knew that she'd made a mistake. The people were the kindest, blandest, fakest office workers she had ever met. 

After she'd been introduced to several people (“And who's this, Amy?”), she could tell, twenty minutes in, that they needed to get out soon. 

She excused herself from the group of people that Amethyst had left her in (to go to the “bathroom”). Pearl wandered around the office floor, trying to find Amethyst. She finally found her in a cubicle.

“So this is where you work,” Pearl said, leaving against the flimsy plastic half wall. Amethyst looked up, unamused.

“I don't work here, this is just where my paycheck comes from,” she said as she spun in her chair. “Wanna spin me? My record is thirty-six before Daniel asks me to stop.”

“I'll pass,” Pearl laughed, clearing off some of the desk and taking a seat. “Why here, Ame? And why do you let them call you Amy?”

Amethyst sighed.

“As long as the numbers go in and come out right, nobody bothers me. It takes, like, an hour, tops. And then I write. And it's all good ‘til Bill comes around.”

“What does Bill do?” Pearl starts to ask, but is cut off by a rather squeaky male voice.

“There you are, Amy! Oh, who's your friend?” Both women turn to see a balding man in a striped button up with a sloppily tied clashing tie.

“Oh, hi Bill!” Amethyst answered him in what Pearl recognized as her customer service voice. Pearl couldn't believe this was Bill. She had heard so much about him.

“I'm Pearl Lu. It's so nice to finally meet you, Bill. Amethyst has told me so much about you,” Pearl said in her own fake voice, extending her hand to shake Bill’s. His face went red.

“Good things, I hope,” he said nervously.

“Of course, of course,” Pearl said, smiling. He smiled and looked back at Amethyst.

“I'm not interrupting, am I?” Bill asked.

“Oh, no. Actually I was just grabbing my scarf before Pearl and I head out,” Amethyst said, producing a scarf as she stood up. 

“So soon?” Bill asked a little sadly.

“Yeah, I'm sorry! We have another Christmas party to get to,” Amethyst dropped off. She glanced at Pearl and raised a questioning eyebrow as she put the scarf on. Pearl wasn't sure what Amethyst was planning, but she nodded slightly. 

Amethyst took her hand as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Pearl fought back a blush. She laced their fingers together.

“We’re actually running late, Ame. If we're going to catch a cab we better scoot,” Pearl said, fixing Amethyst’s scarf knot with her free hand. Bill’s face fell. 

“Oh, o-of course. Don't let us hold you up! It was nice meeting you, Ms. Lu,” Bill said and then disappeared. 

Amethyst held Pearl’s hand, guiding her through the office as they made the minimal goodbyes.

Sitting safely in a cab, Amethyst let out a breath of relief. 

“Whew, what a fucken night, huh?” 

“Ame, we were there for forty-five minutes.”

“Ages, I know.”

Pearl rolled her eyes and told the cab driver the street for their usual bar. He smiled back at the two of them in the backseat.

“You two are cute,” he said, grinning as he looked at the road. “Reminds me of me and my wife when we were a bit younger.”

Pearl smiled back, a little confused, before realizing her fingers were still laced with Amethyst’s. She panicked. Why were they still holding hands? It had been a bit, hadn't it? Should she let go? Should she say something?

“Thank you,” Amethyst replied. She gave Pearl’s hand a squeeze, then withdrew her hand until their fingers were just connected. 

The cab stopped near the bar, and Amethyst paid the driver. She stepped out of the car and held her hand out to help Pearl. Pearl took it, eager for some reason to touch Amethyst again.

“Peri and Lapis and Bis and Jasper are supposedly already here,” Amethyst said, letting Pearl’s hand drop. “I texted them at the party.”

“Oh, okay,” Pearl said, not really paying attention. She was looking at Amethyst’s hair, which was usually a purple but was now a faded out blonde due to her job. She was so encapsulated by her friend's curls that she didn't notice the ice underfoot.

“Fu-” she started as she slipped. But Amethyst caught her wrist, laughing.

“Jesus, P! You can just say you want to go home. You don't have to try to hospitalize yourself,” Amethyst joked, slipping their fingers together.

“I'm not trying,” Pearl blushed. But she didn't let go. Neither did Amethyst. Not even when they found their friends inside the bar. Not even when Jasper and Bismuth raised their eyebrows and whispered to each other. 

They finally broke apart when they sat down in the booth. Jasper stood up stretching.

“Took you two long enough, squirt,” she said, pulling the beanie from Amethyst’s head. “Help me get the next round.”

“Soooo, what's going on with you and string bean?” Jasper asked as soon as they were out of earshot of the table.

“What?”

“Don't make me drag it outta you, Amethyst. What is up with you and Pearl? Did you two finally deal with the elephant in both of your pants?”

“Ugh, why are you so gross, Jasp?

They got a pitcher of beer, two glasses of wine, and two shots of tequila, which they both slammed before heading back to the table.

“Look, I know I'm kinda a shitty person, and an even shittier sister. I've said and done some unforgivable things, especially to you guys. I'm not exactly a life coach, but I think you should go for it. You'd make each other happy,” Jasper said as they walked, holding the pitcher of beer above the small crowd forming around the bar.

“Aww, Jaspy, if I didn't know better I'd think you loved me,” Amethyst teased, nudging her sister in the ribs with an elbow.

“Ya know what? Forget I said anything, assbutt,” Jasper said, not unkindly. Amethyst stuck her tongue out. “Pour my fucken heart out to you and whadid I get?”

“Thanks for caring about me, J, but I really don't think Pearl’s into me. I've basically done nothing but flirt with her the entire time we've lived together. Nothin’,” she said, sidestepping to avoid some rowdy college kids.

“Look, I'm just sayin’ that I think you should go for it. Pearl won't make the first move,” Jasper said. “At least I'm the one telling you. Bismuth thinks y'all should just fuck so the rest of us don't have to watch you make starry eyes at each other every time we hang out.”

“You all know?!”

“Pfsh, there's a pool for when, where, and who, Ame. Do it before New Year’s or I'm out fifty bucks.”

“Fuck all of you.”

Jasper laughed.

They navigated back to their booth and sat down, Amethyst next to Bismuth and Jasper by Pearl. Jasper put an arm behind Pearl, winking at Bismuth and Amethyst.

“What happened to Lazuli and Peri?” Amethyst asked, handing the wine to Pearl and Bismuth.

“Dancing,” Bismuth replied, draining her glass in two swallows. Then she winked at Jasper, which put Amethyst on high alert. They were up to something. “Jas, you have a cigarette?”

“Yeah,” Jasper produced a pack suspiciously fast. “I could use one, too.”

“Be back directly,” Bismuth said, winking at Amethyst. There was too much winking going on. The two left quickly, leaving Amethyst and Pearl alone.

“Wow,” Pearl said bemusedly.

“Yeah…,” Amethyst muttered, pouring beer into her glass.

“Do you think they're together?” Pearl asked.

“I, uh, I don't know,” Amethyst laughed, caught off guard. “Maybe.”

“It seems like they're always running off together when we hang out.”

“Really? I guess I never noticed.”

“And I'm pretty sure that Bismuth doesn't smoke.”

“I don't think she does.”

“Do you ever feel like they're up to something?”

Amethyst forced a laugh. 

“Constantly.”

Fifteen minutes passed. Fifteen minutes of Amethyst trying to pluck up the courage to talk to Pearl about the feelings that hung in the air between them. Fifteen minutes of idle chatter between her and her best friend that she had spent the last almost four years falling for. Lapis and Peridot eventually found their way back to the table and broke the tension that only Amethyst seemed to feel. 

“Where'd Jasper and Bismuth go?” Peridot asked, pouring herself and Lapis a glass of beer. 

“Probably somewhere to suck face,” Lapis said flatly as she took the beer Peridot offered her. 

“See, Ame, I'm not the only one!” Pearl exclaimed. Amethyst laughed. Lapis and Peridot looked confused.

“Pearl spent the last ten or fifteen minutes telling me about how she thinks Jas and Bis are secretly dating,” Amethyst explained. “As if. Bismuth could do waaaay better than my sister.”

A shadow loomed over her.

“Fuck, she's behind me, right?”

“Yeah,” Jasper said from behind her.

“My statement stands.”

Jasper pinched her ear. Amethyst slapped her hand away.

“Where'd Bismuth go?” Peridot asked. Jasper slid into the booth and rolled her eyes.

“She's smoking with some dudes in the parking lot.” Jasper leaned across the table and took Amethyst’s glass from her hand, draining half of her beer.

“Hey!” Amethyst protested. Jasper chuckled and handed her the half empty glass. “So, you just left her?”

“Look, she can take care of herself, and I'm not tryin’ to get mixed up with anymore of Bis’ friends. It's bad enough you chucklefucks gotta deal with me,” Jasper joked, draping an arm across the back of the booth. Pearl smiled next to her. 

“We’re glad to be stuck with you,” she elbowed Jasper lightly. Jasper bared her teeth in a mock scowl. 

“Yeah,” Lapis spoke up as she wrapped an arm around Amethyst and Peridot. “I'm glad to be stuck with all you nerds.”

The rest of the night was filled with drinking and friendship, and Amethyst felt better than she had in awhile. She still wasn't sure where her life was going, but she knew who would be there. 

Pearl took Amethyst’s hand as they walked the two blocks back to their apartment. They stopped at a crosswalk, waiting for the light to turn. 

“Hey, P, can I ask you a question?” 

“Of course, Ame.”

“What are we doing?”

The light turned and Pearl tugged Amethyst across the street.

“We're walking home,” Pearl said, rubbing her thumb carefully across the back of Amethyst’s hand as they walked. 

“That's not what I meant, Pearl,” Amethyst said, coming abruptly to a stop. Pearl sighed, her mind still racing, trying to put answers to the hundreds of questions she had about her relationship with Amethyst. She knew what she wanted. She just had to hope Amethyst wanted the same thing.

“I know. What are we doing, Amethyst?”

“I'd like to do, ya know, something together. In a not, like, friendy way. Kinda, ya know, like a, date?” Amethyst said shyly.

Pearl didn't answer. She brought their combined hands to her lips and pressed her lips gently against the back of Amethyst’s hand. She cupped Amethyst’s face with her other hand.

Amethyst’s heart was going crazy.

Pearl was fairly certain her heart had stopped altogether.

“I thought you'd never ask.”

Pearl leaned down, her lips mere millimeters from Amethyst’s.

“Can I kiss you?” she whispered. Amethyst laughed, wrapping her arms around Pearl, pulling their bodies close together.

“I thought you'd never ask.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm fucken drunk
> 
> Didn't proof this. Didn't read it. I'm sad rn and it made me feel better to write this so
> 
> I'll edit this tomorrow or the next 
> 
> Remember that bad shit doesn't last forever, my dudes. I love you


End file.
